I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
