im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
