im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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