So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize