Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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