2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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