I need help removing her.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
