Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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