So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
