when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
