Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
