how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
