u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
