There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
