If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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