I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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