I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
