i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
