ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
