I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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