It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
