I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
