I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
