Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Please don't give away my fajitas
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
