And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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