my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize