i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
