If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hippo gnu deer
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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