you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
