Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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