i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
