yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
