now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
