this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
