Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im holly from the hills drunk
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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