So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
