i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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