please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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