i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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