is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
