she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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