Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
