i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
