i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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