im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
