when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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