she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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