you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
