Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Panties = found
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
