My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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