I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize