The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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