it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
