i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
