If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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