is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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