i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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