I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
