I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
