Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
