What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
