Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
