Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
