Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
