The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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