I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he fucked my hip out of place.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
