end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
