Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
