i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
