Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
