I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
